i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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