well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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