if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize