my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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