Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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