I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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