Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Brb crying the tears of my youth
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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