The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize