i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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