First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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