I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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