3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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