At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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