don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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