In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize