So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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