using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love you. Go after that dick
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize