Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
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may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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