3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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