i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize