I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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