I faked an abortion last night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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