I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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