I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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