hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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