So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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