the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize