I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize