closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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