Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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