Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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