Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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