Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Are we still banned from the library?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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