I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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