Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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