She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize