Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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