How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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