I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize