I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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