I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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