Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
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i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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