Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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