I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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