I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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