Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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