Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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