just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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