The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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