I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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