It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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