out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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